Tuesday, 24 June 2014
Thursday, 19 June 2014
Friday, 9 May 2014
Wednesday, 7 May 2014
Today I went to look at a property classified for sale. At the moment I have 54 euros in my pocket.
Finding this dream place felt quite god-led. I'd been looking for another place to rent for the equine-assisted therapy project. But instead found this.
So I went in with a tinge of worry whether I'm on the right path with this. I'm being reminded to be pragmatic. And to be realistic. Its a fine line between being confident in stepping towards your dream and being realistic. And its a balance I'm still trying to perfect.
We had a look around the old dutch farmhouse. And around the wonderful stables, manege and land. And I then explained to the estate agent that I was really more interested in the land than the house. His answer was wonderfully reasoned and calm. That he would check with the owner about the possibilities and arrange a meeting between us.
I entered the appointment with bittersweet mix of hope and doubt. And I came out feeling like I'd had my first tranzam.
Jacha drove me home afterwards.. Well we'll just have to see what the meeting brings.. Let her see all your vision books.. Everything! And for the rest.. We pray.
I am looking for ways to finance the following
Two highland ponies
Possible rent to buy contract of stalls, manege and fields.
Renovation of outhouse building to provide a function room in which therapy can be reflected on. Where Tellington Touch programs can be taught, where people with burnout can take time out to recuperate.
And my own further education in Tellington touch, Eagala advanced accreditation, and the Horse boy technique(for autistic children)
I am looking for Angel investment. Or simply people who are inspired to help me and the horses help others.
I Am because We Are. Love.
If you would like to invest in this project, or find out more details of what I'm doing, please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Tuesday, 6 May 2014
Monday, 5 May 2014
Saturday, 3 May 2014
Wednesday, 30 April 2014
So on kings day in the Netherlands. I took some time out to cycle in the countryside. I'd only had a few hours sleep, but I really wanted to use the sunny afternoon to pursue a possibility of renting somewhere for the project.
I have seen from the train, a horse barn with a rental sign. But I'm never quick enough to catch the number. So I cycled through the next village in the direction that I thought it might be.
I could not find it. And to make things worse.. My picnic of cola and fresh figs was not such a clever idea with no toilet for miles.
But on the quirky cycle home. I found somewhere amazing. Shining with possibilities. An arena and stables for the equine assisted therapeutic project
But also extra buildings for a creative project. Its always been the vision to connect the two.
So I took note. The amount of money asked is on an unrealistic level. I do not have a large wage. Shit, I can't afford health insurance... But I asked a lady at the church.. Is even cheeky to pray for this facility. No said she.. There are always possibilities.. If its recognised to be in gods hands..
So today. I phoned for an appointment (I am going to view it with the lady who is my mentor) the man on the phone relayed the price with hesitation.. My head was exclaiming flying fecks.. But sounding in complete control (and hopefully a mirror of complete faith)..
Oh yes. That will be fine.
Tyrese Gibson Speaking on Faith in the Invisible: http://youtu.be/OyPYDW9DGpI
Tuesday, 29 April 2014
Wednesday, 16 April 2014
Tuesday, 15 April 2014
Thursday, 10 April 2014
Wednesday, 9 April 2014
Sunday, 6 April 2014
Tuesday, 1 April 2014
So this is the guy I saw perform on Saturday. Its been a lot time since I put attention to the music scene. Up until a few weeks ago, it was complete compulsion to embed myself in the project. And I do think it had to be done that way to get things done.
The week before, I went to church. Mostly to give praise for help in getting the first course under my belt. When you know that your purpose is being encouraged at different levels, it makes the feel of absolute stress and pressure somewhat do-able. I'm sure I should enjoy life, that's the mission, but sometimes, the process of working towards the purpose can bring up feelings and situations that aren't so pleasant. Anyway, my first certificate for Ttouch training is in the bag. And the whole path to get it was full of blessings and encouragement.
During the week I stayed at a youth hostel in bath. A lot more homely feeling than amsterdam. I shared a room one evening with a model who had worked with Kate Moss. And she thought I was 22! Having worked with Kate Moss.. well that's credentials for extremely good judgement. I told the news to a friend,
So let me get this straight.. you're 34 next week, but going by ..22?
So in church, I've been noticing a pattern. There is sort of split between those who want to live. And those who are fearful of what's outwith the walls of their church community. Last week when I had been to church, there had be a guy involved in outreach work. His questions were,
Where have you seen god at work?
In who have you seen god at work?
A guy came in late and sat at our table. He's been a guest speaker too, but with a different tangent. The following question, was how can we bring our purpose to show gods love in the kingdom?
Latecomer could not grasp the concept. His view was that god only works with christians and the church. My view still is, that say all present biblical knowledge was erased from social memory, if god is the greatest unconditional love, surely he would still want to impact our lives. And it is my belief he/she does this regardless of whether you are christian or not.
When I was living in the christian shelter, there was a fear of the volunteers going to nightclubs, because of the bad influence that might be around.
On Saturday night, I was in a nightclub watching Mongoose and the beatbox perform. Between songs, as the tempo changed, he took time to ask the crowd what their definition of love is. What does love mean to you? Wat is liefde? Someone shouted.. God is Love.
Jaa sowieso! Put your fist in the air if you think that God is Love!
The crowd raised their hands.
Thursday, 27 March 2014
Thursday, 6 March 2014
Wednesday, 5 March 2014
Its four days away. And today was the first day that I really started to smile and be thankful for what lies in the next week. Next week I travel to Bath, England to follow my first Ttouch course for horses.
Until today I knew I would be flying in the direction, but from last weeks organising and bookings, I didn't really know exactly how I would be geting there. When I made my budget calculations, the euro was nearly equal to the pound. Now inflation is favouring the pound, more than it is favouring me.
I've been in a sea of worrying, and feeling like this journey would be again a struggle, and less I say it martyring for my own cause. Well.. I have never seen so many angel feathers appear in my life, signs to have faith that everything will be ok, and that I am not the only one on my team, despite a habit for feeling I'm the only one. I have a great team falling around me.
I used to doubt myself if I saw a white feather. That it might be just dust or downey feathers. When I was 18, a friend and I were scoffing at a program that talked about angels leaving white feathers when they wanted to show love. And then between us floated a white feather. Needless to say that day, something supernatural left us lost for words.
This weekend I went to see a friend perform spoken word, and as I began to question whether splashing out on a second bottle of sprite was too much, a white feather appeared. And this time I was given no room for doubt. It formulated, appeared, right in front of my eyes. Truth. Enjoy life, enjoy blessings, and the rest will come. Rest in that. Stay active, but remove the worry.
Today, a friend offered me a loan, and a new friend offered me some extra work. I've taken leaps of blind faith, but continuous faith on a meaningful path is just a bit overwhelming at times, and I've had to fight myself to not clam up into my own corner again.
People have asked if I'm excited. Told me to be excited. But if I subtract the ifs and the hows. Then there's a yearning to be where I should be. And the knowledge of a feeling of content. That content is calm joy, in one moment when a horses energy calms, and you see in his eyes a relief, that he understands the I understand that he understands. After that comes "let's talk" and after that comes "let's dance". But its that first moment of content. In understanding that I'm looking forward to. Love.
Saturday, 22 February 2014
Tracy Chapman seemed to always be playing in the begining. In hindsight, it always seemed the most innocent and truthful love. The kind where both of you forget about everything else. But I wonder now actually how much more to the truth the tracy chapman album was hinting at.
Yesterday evening, I went to watch 12 years a slave. And commented about it on facebook. A friend suggested that I watch Roots. That really got under her skin. I ûnderstand what she was getting at. But that's not my aim. My aim, or hope is to.. was to.. hope that stronger voices can talk about it, and bring it to light. Bring it to justice. On the one hand its recognition and honoring those who suffered at the hands of the slave trade.
I'm talking about the topic as an abstract thought, when the aim was to be personal. I suppose it depends on life as to how you deal with it. My grandad never allowed tomato ketchup bottles on the table because it reminded him of blood.
When tracy chapman was singing in the background, and I was lying in lovers arms. Stories finally unfolded in trust. And fingers that thought they were tracing over birthmarks, realised truth in bulletmarks.
When I watch a movie with friends. I can't watch torture scenes. It takes me back to a time when a lovers soul was raped. And its a physical feeling, with an emotional hangover.
In the past though, it was much worse. The only way I can describe it is ripping velcro, right down my chest. And its paralysing. I wrote a piece once to process it, and had to go to bed for the wole afternoon. Which doesn't please my practical side, how can you concentrate on being productive when you have to nurse to your own mental health?
From that summer I decided not to concentrate on it, to let it lie. But you can't control life, or indeed movie scripts. So from time to time it arises again. And at those times when I have to pull out the strength card, I appreciate those who stand for justice even more.
Friday, 14 February 2014
A friend of mine runs a wonderful webshop, with such good intention behind it. When I asked her about plans for expansion, her answer was to branch to allow business women in developing countries more opportunity to succeed. Now that gross international happiness instead of gross national profit. Her primary focuss is to sell fair trade jewellery for all prices and with a broad range of styles, I am sure you will find something you like! Www.con-fusedarts.co.uk
Saturday, 25 January 2014
Saturday, 18 January 2014
Friday, 17 January 2014
I'm writing from my wee machine, so I'll post Happy by pharrell williams later. I listened to an interview of his in the last week, about being OTHER. If there one box that you want to be put into its The OTHER box. When I was younger, I used to quieten myself to fit to the norms, and sometimes now I still keep quiet just because I'm unsure about how to stand strong, or maybe its habit to stay quiet, epecially around those who are louder.
Things project-wise are moving forward in many positive ways. I've made a new more specific vision book, and next week I have my first sort of business meeting. I have paid towards my debts, I have paid fundamental bits towards my first Ttouch course, but on the other hand, I am struggling to stay connected. Last week, I spent hours researching and writing inspiration into my new yellow book. And I am pleased about the direction its going. But feeling 100% present during the process is becoming a bit of a challenge.
In one way, I feel frustrated, because this is my path, and being 100% present is important to me. Its frustrating to feel like your day has been a foggy dream. I know that I am connecting and others are connecting around me. But at the moment, varying from day to day, my feeling of being present is between 40 and 80 percent.
Swimming helps a lot. I swim because my foot and knee hurt from time to time. On a physical point, its the best way of getting exercise. On a spiritual side, it helps to ground me. After I exercise I feel my feet grounding as I walk. But today, it became apparent to the dad of my second nanny family. Are you ok? I know that I must be looking distracted. So I tell him, the next steps of putting dreams into reality are a bit overwhelming. Which is part of the story.
Some ways people say to stay connected is to sing, crystals and nature for sensitives like me, faith and words from jesus if you're christian. If only they would understand that's gods protection comes by different means.
Today it was a cold tap, water running through my hands. Moments of sensation, and reminder of physical reality to concentrate on.
Saturday, 11 January 2014
Tuesday, 7 January 2014
January week three, january week four. When discussing what my next moves were for the project, the lady I work for suggested I take three big pieces of paper. Labelled November-December, January-February, and March-April. November-December, well it was full of good intentions. Actually strike that, for the first few weeks, it stayed blank, not completely through procrastination, but more that my head was so full with things, it was actually quite calming to see a blank piece of paper.
January-February, is becoming much more purposeful. Managing finances is my biggest challenge. So now that blank piece of paper is full of post-it notes, budgeting out what I should be paying and when, I've never been so strict with myself, but laugh not, it has been first time I have ever hugged a book. Like properly hugged it with joy for all the purpose it contained, for all the hopes of change it contains. For its simple ethos, I hugged it with so much happiness. This book is a foundation in my path. My purpose. Dressage with mind, body and soul by Linda Tellington-Jones. And what I like even more about it, is that it supports connection with scientific backup.
So if I am able to create a project where soul connects between horse and human in different ways. Horse to child, horse to business woman working sixty hours a week, horse to war veteran without a calm nights sleep, and then also re-chanel how the experts connect with their horse, even to competition level. The that's a wonderful full circle. Its an I am because we are on a whole different level. An interspecies level.
In the last months, I've heard a lot of people talk about cultures, traditions, roots. But that can only go back as far as our own social memory. Social memory of rituals and routine, social memories of history books and documentaries. But our roots go back further than we can concieve. At somepoint our roots were in a different environment to concrete and infrastructure, of education and health systems developed on behalf of democracy. On one hand we can look at it all and say well done us. Look how far we've come. On the otherhand, is what we've created really how it should be? Really what is good for us? If we were to look at ourselves through a horses eyes.. a horse who is completely at one with everything, because he is naturally connected, as he is. Would his interpretation of love, be the same as ours? What if his mission was to bring us back to love?